Alright so, I had this big long draft I've been trying to work on here and there, but the longer it takes me to finish it, the more things I have to try to remember so I've decided to scratch that whole thing and just give a decent update on our little family of three! I wanted to go into detail on our birthing experience, but that will take too long, so if anyone has any questions on how the c-section went, shoot me an email or give me a call. Long story short, it was a breeze, we were pushed in and Axel was pushed out (yes, there is pushing involved in a c-section, only not by me.. by the OB!). We stayed in the hospital for 3 days, and I was definitely ready to leave and go home! Jordan was and is so amazing! He helps me, encourages me, and is so supportive in everything! The birth experience was very special.
Fast forward to today and Axel is 5 1/2 weeks old! I can't believe how fast the time has gone by, or how big he is getting. When most people see him they say "oh he is so little", but to us he seems like he is getting sooooo big!
It's fun to look at Axel and try to figure out who he looks like! My mom thinks he looks like me, Jordans mom thinks he looks like him, and I can honestly see similarities in both of us! Comparing baby pictures if fun because I think he looks just like both of us! But, he also has his own look.. Here are mine and Jordans baby pictures with a comparable photo of Axel..
So.. everyone will find different similarities, but at the end of the day I don't really care WHO he looks like because to us, he is perfect!
Being a mommy has dramatically changed my life already. I can already see all the lessons I am learning, and going to learn, and how this will help me grow as a person. The biggest lesson I am being taught right now is a whole new kind of PATIENCE! Axel is one fussy little boy and does a lot of crying. He really doesn't seem happy too often, which is hard for me because of course I want (and need) to feel like I am doing a great job and raising a healthy, happy baby. However, he could be a lot fussier, so I am grateful for the quiet times I get. They DO exist! The other biggest struggle has been breast feeding. No one warned me about how hard it can be! The first trial was the PAIN! I wont go too far into detail but I was very sore after the first day and didn't know if I would be able to continue nursing. It hurt soooo bad! However, the lactation consultant at the hospital saved my life with a nipple shield. I highly recommend it!
It's so funny how quickly your whole temperament can change. Usually when I am frustrated or stressed out I have a very short fuse, but with Axel it doesn't matter how I'M feeling, all I care about it soothing him, calming him, and making sure he's okay. When I fell in love with Jordan my priorities definitely shifted to making him as happy as can be, but still I have never felt such a strong sense of selflessness as I do with Axel. It's so hard to explain all the feelings and emotions I have now as a mother, but I'm sure those of you who are mothers can completely understand without me saying much. I am so grateful for my little family. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who is so caring and thoughtful and SWEET. He is such a great daddy and is so loving to the both of us. We had a pretty neat experience the other night that I wanted to share...
It was about 2am and Axel had been fussing for quite awhile. He was very obviously hungry, but wouldn't latch on! He would just cry and cry and cry and we couldn't figure out what the problem was. He'd been burped, had a clean diaper, a normal temperature, everything checked out! So WHY would he not latch on?! It was a very frustrating night and eventually Axel and I were both covered in milk and sobbing. Well, Jordan came to the rescue and took Axel from me and I could hear him saying (in a nice voice) "Axel, you made Mommy cry!" It was the first time since I'd been home from the hospital that I cried. Through every frustrating moment prior, I was able to calm myself mentally, count to 10, do whatever I needed to to stay strong and keep myself together. This time I just couldn't. I wasn't crying because I was mad, and it wasn't an emotional breakdown that had built up. I was crying because my sweet little boy was in such distress and I couldn't comfort him. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. Jordan took Axel into our room and shut the door. I sat on the couch and tried to calm myself down (I was REALLY crying), and a few minutes later Jordan brought Axel back into the living room. Axel was calm and had stopped crying and as Jordan laid him in my arms he quietly said, "try it one more time". Right then I knew that Jordan had just given Axel a blessing. I knew everything would be okay, and sure enough Axel latched on, ate, burped, sighed (yes, he let out a very satisfied sigh when after he ate and burped.. we both laughed pretty hard), and fell into a deep sleep. While he was eating Jordan sat close to me and rubbed my back and told me I am a good mom and that everything will be okay. I love him so much!!! I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a sweet and loving husband!
These days we are just hanging out at home mostly. It is hard to leave the house with Ax because I never know when he will get fussy, so I try not to go too far unless he has a full tummy, or I have someone with me who can drive if I need to comfort him, etc..
Jordan has been pretty busy with school. He is working hard to get those perfect grades that med schools require. He works so hard in so many domains! I am so proud of all of his efforts and achievements! He is going to be such a great example to our children. We are getting excited and looking forward to our trip to San Francisco in November! We went there last year for Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time together. We decided that we should do it again this year while it's still within decent driving distance. We have some other neat things unfolding for us that I'm not going to mention just yet, but they are VERY exciting and if it all works out, will bring a lot of joy to our lives. NO, I am NOT pregnant again. (Oh my gosh, I do want more kids, but not yet..) These plans have to do with school and careers. One of them is something we've been working on pretty much since we started dating seriously and is finally becoming a reality, and the other is a relatively new idea, but we feel really good about it. Haha, confused? Good! I will share more details when things are a little more concrete, but I will say that it looks like it will be a very exciting new year!
I think I am finally finished with this post. I would like to mention that it has taken me almost 4 hours to complete it!