Hmmm.. How can I put off packing? I know! I'll update my blog!

There's a great excuse huh? I thought so too! Well, we have less than a week left here in good ol' Rexburg and I can't exactly say I've been counting down the days! Warning! This post will feature some venting. Leave now if you don't want to hear it!

Aside from the agonizing chore of packing, I have been feeling a lot of pressure from people over the past month. It's as if everything I do offends someone in some way and it is exhausting. Those who I thought knew me well have begun to assume outrageously and it is just insulting. The other night I was so wound up my head hurt, my neck hurt, my shoulders hurt.. I almost felt like I was going to be sick. It's hard to blow things off and give people the benefit of the doubt before you start to feel like a door mat, or worry that you are going to scream at them the next time you see them. Okay, my rant is finished. Thank you for your patience :)

Anyway, Axel continues to grow and amaze us! He is about 3 months and 2 weeks old now and his developments are so far pretty by-the-book. He loves to stand (not on his own of course) and sit up. We are working on his balance while sitting but he's not quite ready to do it on his own yet. He loves bath time more than anything (except his Mommy of course)! For awhile we were taking baths together because he outgrew his baby bath, and I LOVED taking baths with him, but it became a bit time consuming drying both of us off and getting both of us dressed every time. Now, I fill up the bath about 3 inches and he lays on his back and splashes away! He is also old enough to "play" with all his little baby toys. This has been really fun for me to watch. He'll sit in my lap and I will hold a toy up for him, or shake it or do whatever with it that it is supposed to do and Axel will bat at the toy and try to grip it, and as of today try to put it in his mouth! Yes, the everything-in-the-mouth phase has begun!




CAPTAIN DROOLY PANTS!

Thanksgiving, Fingers & Toes

Wow. What a fantastic Thanksgiving break we had! I think this one was extra special because the three of us had so much time to hang out together! As I've mentioned before, Jordan stays pretty busy with school, so having him all to ourselves for an entire week was quite a treat for Axel and I!

Our holiday vacation started with a drive to Boise. When we first arrived, we went to see our dear friend Sarah Nokleby sing in "Hymns of Thanksgiving". About 10 minutes into the program, Axel must have decided he wanted to be involved too because he started screaming at the top of his lungs and we had to leave.



We spent the next couple of days visiting friends from Jordans mission and running errands. I also had to teach two classes at one of the beauty schools in Boise while we were there, so that took up pretty much an entire day for us. On Wednesday morning we woke up early, piled into the van (yes, in case you didn't know.. we drive a minivan.. and I LOVE it... never say never folks..).. and headed to San Francisco! Last year Jordan and I went to San Fran for Thanksgiving and we wanted to do it again this year since we most likely wont be able to go there as easy when we're living in Wisconsin. The drive took up the rest of the day, but we had a nice time just being together. Axel did so well in the car! He really amazes me every day! He seems to be over his fussiness and is like a normal baby now! He only cries when he needs something or is tired. It makes my life so much easier, and his too! When we arrived in San Francisco we checked into our hotel, and to stretch our legs from the ride decided to walk around downtown. Axel got a lot of attention, and I loved every bit of it! There are so many babies here in Rexburg it's never really a big deal to anyone, but the people of San Francisco seemed very excited to see one and we were happy to show him off!

The next day was Thanksgiving! We tried to keep the same tradition as our holiday last year. Our first stop was Safeway, where we bought gourmet deli salads, sandwiches, drinks and other snacks for our Thanksgiving Picnic Feast :) Then we drove to Big Basin in the Redwood Forest where we walked around and enjoyed the beautiful scenery! All the tall trees, with their beautiful colors were absolutely breathtaking! I wish we lived closer and could enjoy it more often! I guess that makes visiting so much more special though.






After the redwoods we drove to Santa Cruz where we had our picnic. We sat in the same lovely spot as last year, and we weren't the only ones trying to make this a tradition. We recognized a few other people from last year who had their same spots as well. It was kinda cool. As we sat and ate, I had an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude for my sweet little family and the happiness that they bring to my life. I'm actually tearing up as I write this. Sometimes I just cannot believe how fortunate I am to have such wonderful people in my life. After all the different experiences I've had, and the good and bad choices I've made, I feel so grateful to be where I am today. I never imagined I could be so happy.



When we finished eating we walked along the beach and climbed over the rocks and such. Jordan had to hold Axel because last time I got really freaked out that I was going to fall in. Jordan does a great impression of that haha.. Axel seemed really calm down by the water. He probably liked the splashing sound of the waves (splashing is one of his favorite things to do! As soon as he gets in the bath he kicks and and slaps the water and gets a huge smile on his face when he makes a loud SPLASH!).





On our way home we stopped at Starbucks to get our new obsession, "Caramel Apple Spice". We discovered it in Boise and have become addicted.. (Jordan is more addicted than I am, but I wont say no when he wants to stop for one). We ended up getting one every day we were in San Francisco! It is delicious. If you haven't tried it, you must.

The next day was BLACK FRIDAY! This was my first time actually shopping on black friday! I know, where have I been right? We had fun, and the crowds weren't too bad, but I probably wouldn't do it again very early in the morning because I don't deal well with big crowds like that. I get very impatient and moody haha. Those of you who know me well can imagine my temperament. I have a hard time holding my comments under my breath when people are rude, and we all know I don't hide my emotions well at all. However, it was fun! GAP was having an amazing sale where everything in the store was 50% off before 10am, so I bought a pair of jeans I've been lusting after and waited in line 30 minutes to get them at an amazing price. I was worn out quick, but thankfully Axel slept pretty much the entire time! Later that day we went and took pictures by the Golden Gate Bridge. It is so beautiful! Axel wasn't too happy most of the time though. He rewarded me with a blow-out poo diaper that I got on my shirt! Oh well, I figured I could just lie and say it was mustard if anyone asked :)




That night we went to Fishermans Wharf. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of the place because of how touristy it is but we had a nice time. We were pretty hungry by then, but trying to hold off for dinner, so Jordan got us some fried calamari. I liked the normal parts of it, but this portion had these nasty little octopus-like things and I wouldn't touch it. If someone can explain to me how Jordan and gulp those things down, but wont go near curry or thai food, I would appreciate it because I don't get it at all! As we walked around, Jordan entertained me by speaking in his horrible English accent to all the other people there. Oh, and I don't have a snaggletooth like the picture shows.




On our way back to the hotel for a rest we got a call from Jordans brother Shawn. He told us that he and his wife Traci are having a baby BOY! It was such exciting news and we are so happy and excited for them! Axel is thrilled to have a future cousin to do fun and naughty boy stuff with.

The next morning we woke up a little later than planned and headed to the farmers market. Unfortunately it was raining and pretty cold, and Axel wasn't too excited about it so we couldn't enjoy it as much as we would have liked. The environment was pretty though, even in the rain.




After the farmers market it was time to head back to Idaho. We stopped at starbucks of course to get our Caramel Apple Spice and left the city. We didn't get too far though before we heard that the hwy by Tahoe was closed because of snow.. if we would have waited it out we wouldn't have gotten home until 5am the next day. NO THANKS! So, we turned around and went back to San Francisco for one more night! We ended up getting a pretty sweet hotel room that over looked union square! It was really fun and Axel was King of the Castle in his big fancy bed.. (too bad he barely slept that night..)




Axel was such a good boy on the way home! He slept most of the day, and even that night! He is growing up so fast! He had a check-up today and he is in the 95th percentile! Last time he was in the 50th! He weights 14lbs and is 23 inches long. He has discovered his hands now and is always playing with his fingers and sucking on his fist. I'm not entirely sure, but I think he might be getting 2 bottom teeth! Yes, I know it's early, but it looks like there's little buds of something in there. Maybe not though. We'll see I suppose. He is a big talker and very dramatic! (Like his parents haha). He is so strong willed for a little baby! I'm not trying to give him more credit than is due.. I know he's only 3 months old, and I don't want to sound like I think he's a baby genius or something, but he just has such a strong personality! He smiles pretty much anytime you look at him, which completely melts my heart all day! I don't know what I would do without him.

I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to take such a lovely vacation with my dear family. We have been so blessed! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

2 Months Old!

Big Announcement!!

A few posts ago, I mentioned that we have some exciting things happening in the future. Now that one of them is official, I am excited to announce it! We are moving back to Wisconsin in December! The original plan was to hopefully move there in 2 years when Jordan finishes his undergrad here at BYU-I, and live in Madison so he could do med school at UW-Madison, but a few weeks ago while watching General Conference, Jordan felt that he should apply to transfer NOW. So he applied to UW Milwaukee, UW Madison, and UW Lacrosse. He was accepted by UW Lacrosse, and UW Milwaukee, but Madison has a strict policy that all students must have taken 2 years of foreign language in high school and Jordan took one, so we are going to MILWAUKEE! We just got the official letter of acceptance this morning and have been so excited to share the news! I've really never spent much time in Milwaukee so this will be a fun new adventure for us! The neighborhoods surrounding the campus look really nice and green and they are close to the lake! It may not be so wonderful in the winter, but the other three seasons will be great! Not to mention, we will be so close to our families! This is a huge plus, especially because Axel is so young. I think his grandparents are going crazy right now with excitement!

So, we will be leaving Rexburg at the end of the semester for good. It is really bittersweet though. We have the most wonderful ward ever and have made so many close friends here. It will be sad to say goodbye to such wonderful people, but fun to stay in touch. We are so lucky to have such good friends here.

We don't have an apartment yet or anything really but I have been looking around on craigslist and emailing some people. We would like to get that set up soon. Ideally, I would like to be moved in somewhere as close to the 1st of January as possible. In the meantime we can stay with our parents, but it is so nice having your own place and it will be fun decorating and getting to know a new neighborhood! I will find out tomorrow if I can transfer my job with Image to Wisconsin. This would be HUGE for our family as well! The territory is so much bigger and has so much potential, it would be a gold mine and a GREAT job to have while Jordan is in school. If I can transfer it to Wisconsin it would be something I can keep long term as well, so we are really hoping it all works out. I will speak to the President of the company tomorrow. I hope she is enthused about it as we are! Fingers crossed!

Tomorrow Axel will be 2 MONTHS OLD! I can hardly believe it! He is just the cutest little boy I have ever seen and we fall more and more in love with him each day. His fussiness is still calming down quite a bit and he has been such a happy little guy lately. He is getting into some routines which is nice, and getting more comfortable with other people around. He still wants his Mama though after a little bit, and that is such a sweet feeling. He is becoming such a little cuddle bug too! I keep trying to catch his big smiles and squeals on camera, but I always seem to miss the really good ones! I was able to get a few though and his little smile is so darling! I have to apologize though for the spit-up, and the annoying sounds coming out of my mouth. It's sad how silly you can sound when you become a parent. Please don't judge!

Baby Baby Baby Ohhhh...

I don't really have much to write about, but I felt like taking advantage of the chance to do so while Axel sleeps. Blogger is telling me that image uploads are disabled for another two hours due to maintenance, so no pictures this time, but facebook is full of them :)

Axel is 7 weeks old as of yesterday, and he continues to amaze me and turn me to mush every day! Every time I look at him I fall more and more in love with him! He has brought so much joy and love into our little family! He is gaining a lot of weight lately, which is a good thing because he has been on the lower end of the charts. I know that doesn't REALLY matter too much, but I'd like the numbers to be a little higher for pride's sake! He is about 10 1/2 lbs now, and I'm guessing about 22.5 inches. I swear he gets bigger every day! He has such a cute little baby body, and about 4 chins! He's getting so heavy, but at the same time he is still so tiny! Oh I just love him! He's starting to outgrow his newborn size clothes and fit well in his 0-3 month clothes. It's fun getting him into some of these cute outfits, but sad for me at the same time because he's growing too fast for me! It's just a reminder that he wont be my tiny baby forever, so I have to soak up all the cuddles I can now!

It is so fun to watch him play and look around at things. He is very attracted to shapes and colors. At first it was anything black and white. He will just stare and stare and stare at the picture frames on our walls, and also the light fixtures on the ceiling! He even gets distracted from eating when he see's them. Now he is paying more attention to bright colors, especially reds! He loves to stare at Jordan's big red bike, the red awning (sp?) at the park, and our Trader Joes shopping bag that usually sits by the door. He has a little play mat with a little musical box that lights up different colors as the music plays and for now it is his favorite activity! When he is in a good mood, he will lay there and flap his arms and kick his legs while he watches it and make the cutest little noises at it! He'll even flash his big gummy grin while he watches it. It is so cool to see him getting excited about things! His little personality is already starting to develop and it is so fun observing all of this! He is also smiling a LOT now for Mommy and Daddy, which turns both Jordan and I to mush every time we see it. When I take a shower Axel will sit in his boppy chair on the bathroom floor and look around, and as soon as I get out and talk to him he gets the biggest smiles on his face! (I like to think it's because he hadn't seen my face for a few minutes, not because Mommy is nakey..). He also gets really excited when Jordan comes home from school. As soon as he hears Daddy's voice he'll turn his head all around looking for Jordan's face, and when Jordan comes up to see him Axel will smile really big! Knowing that Axel recognizes Mommy and Daddy, and is happy to see us is such an amazingly good feeling! He isn't laughing quite yet, but he does these cute little squeals when he gets really happy or excited, so I think the laughing is soon to come! Our new thing is, I will stick out my tongue at him and make a noise like "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma".. he just stares and stares.. and then tries to stick his tongue out too! It is so so so cute! I really need to get it recorded. He's also "communicating" if you will, with Jordan and I now, and I don't mean just crying. When he's in a good mood, he'll just look at us and make little noises that sound kind of like sighs when we talk to him. His developments are happening so fast! Babies really are so incredible to observe!

It has been really fun learning how to parent together with Jordan. It's such a blessing that we can agree on the big things and we have the same ways of doing (most) things. I'm not trying to brag here, but I just can't say enough what a big help Jordan is. He works so hard all day at school, and has to come home to a fussy baby (although the fussiness seems to have hit its peak and is getting a lot better!), and will be so kind and loving with both of us. He is such a good Daddy!

Lately the weather in Rexburg has been gorgeous! Outside our living room window all I can see right now are gorgeous fall leaves on the trees and on the ground! I wish it could stay like this forever! This weekend we are going to try to go find some pumpkins! I am so excited for this! I'd like to be ambitious and say that we'll also make caramel apples to give to our friends, but I have to be realistic now that Axel is around. I made pumpkin bread the other day and the whole process (should've taken me about an hour..with baking time) took me about 5 hours haha! It definitely makes the end result worth it though!

Axel will be 2 months on the 31st (halloween!) and has to get his 2 month shots on the following Monday! I am not looking forward to this at all! Watching my poor little guy get poked (I think they give him 6 shots!) and then be sore for a day or two after will be really hard for me! I don't know how Moms do it. But, at least we'll get it all out of the way. Please, don't anyone try to tell me about the autism/vaccine thing.. I don't buy it. Oh, but that reminds me of a funny video I want to share. The robotic voices are really annoying, but it is funny nonetheless.. enjoy!

I Have a Six-Week-Old!

Look how big he is getting! I can't believe Axel is 6 weeks old! Time has gone by so fast, but at the same time it feels like his birth was ages ago! Right now I'm just sitting in bed with little A fast asleep on my chest, all cuddled up. I really should be getting him used to his crib, and bringing him in whenever he's asleep, but I love having him up close to me! Yes, it might be harder to get him into his crib later, but I wont get this cuddle time forever, so if that means putting off the crib routine for awhile.. so be it!

I just had my six week check up yesterday and everything went great (except I didn't know you get sodomized by the doctor! Geez, you really have to lose all shame when you have babies. Anyways, I am now officially in the clear to resume normal activities. I've pretty much already been back into the swing of things, but I haven't exercised yet other than walking and I am really anxious to get going with that. It's just a matter of finding the time! Jordan is in school most of the day and at the library most nights until pretty late, and Axel's feeding schedule is still pretty erratic, so it's hard to break away for too long. Hopefully though, I can get an hour in a few nights a week.

*************************************************************************************

So it's the next day. Axel woke up and that ended my quiet writing time. It's almost 11am on Wednesday and Axel is once again asleep on my lap. Jordan is at school right now, but today is his "short" day so I will probably get to see him a little more. Yay!



The weather is starting to get much cooler now and I love it! I absolutely love love love fall! If it could be fall year round I would be so happy! Although nothing beats a fall in Wisconsin (or Berlin!). I am really excited to go pick out pumpkins with Jordan and Axel! It better not come down to grabbing one from outside the grocery store! I want the whole pumpkin patch, jackets, caramel apple, apple cider experience! I'm still trying to figure out what to dress us all up as for halloween. Any ideas are welcome!

Here You Go Shalyse :)

My sweet sister-in-law Shalyse, has requested I post lots and lots of pictures! I have a bunch on facebook, but I have no problem posting more on here! I love showing off my guy! I hope this will do for now! It is quite a few! I tried not to make them redundant to the ones on facebook. Enjoy!

Coke & Butter + 1

Alright so, I had this big long draft I've been trying to work on here and there, but the longer it takes me to finish it, the more things I have to try to remember so I've decided to scratch that whole thing and just give a decent update on our little family of three! I wanted to go into detail on our birthing experience, but that will take too long, so if anyone has any questions on how the c-section went, shoot me an email or give me a call. Long story short, it was a breeze, we were pushed in and Axel was pushed out (yes, there is pushing involved in a c-section, only not by me.. by the OB!). We stayed in the hospital for 3 days, and I was definitely ready to leave and go home! Jordan was and is so amazing! He helps me, encourages me, and is so supportive in everything! The birth experience was very special.

Fast forward to today and Axel is 5 1/2 weeks old! I can't believe how fast the time has gone by, or how big he is getting. When most people see him they say "oh he is so little", but to us he seems like he is getting sooooo big!

It's fun to look at Axel and try to figure out who he looks like! My mom thinks he looks like me, Jordans mom thinks he looks like him, and I can honestly see similarities in both of us! Comparing baby pictures if fun because I think he looks just like both of us! But, he also has his own look.. Here are mine and Jordans baby pictures with a comparable photo of Axel..







So.. everyone will find different similarities, but at the end of the day I don't really care WHO he looks like because to us, he is perfect!

Being a mommy has dramatically changed my life already. I can already see all the lessons I am learning, and going to learn, and how this will help me grow as a person. The biggest lesson I am being taught right now is a whole new kind of PATIENCE! Axel is one fussy little boy and does a lot of crying. He really doesn't seem happy too often, which is hard for me because of course I want (and need) to feel like I am doing a great job and raising a healthy, happy baby. However, he could be a lot fussier, so I am grateful for the quiet times I get. They DO exist! The other biggest struggle has been breast feeding. No one warned me about how hard it can be! The first trial was the PAIN! I wont go too far into detail but I was very sore after the first day and didn't know if I would be able to continue nursing. It hurt soooo bad! However, the lactation consultant at the hospital saved my life with a nipple shield. I highly recommend it!

It's so funny how quickly your whole temperament can change. Usually when I am frustrated or stressed out I have a very short fuse, but with Axel it doesn't matter how I'M feeling, all I care about it soothing him, calming him, and making sure he's okay. When I fell in love with Jordan my priorities definitely shifted to making him as happy as can be, but still I have never felt such a strong sense of selflessness as I do with Axel. It's so hard to explain all the feelings and emotions I have now as a mother, but I'm sure those of you who are mothers can completely understand without me saying much. I am so grateful for my little family. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who is so caring and thoughtful and SWEET. He is such a great daddy and is so loving to the both of us. We had a pretty neat experience the other night that I wanted to share...

It was about 2am and Axel had been fussing for quite awhile. He was very obviously hungry, but wouldn't latch on! He would just cry and cry and cry and we couldn't figure out what the problem was. He'd been burped, had a clean diaper, a normal temperature, everything checked out! So WHY would he not latch on?! It was a very frustrating night and eventually Axel and I were both covered in milk and sobbing. Well, Jordan came to the rescue and took Axel from me and I could hear him saying (in a nice voice) "Axel, you made Mommy cry!" It was the first time since I'd been home from the hospital that I cried. Through every frustrating moment prior, I was able to calm myself mentally, count to 10, do whatever I needed to to stay strong and keep myself together. This time I just couldn't. I wasn't crying because I was mad, and it wasn't an emotional breakdown that had built up. I was crying because my sweet little boy was in such distress and I couldn't comfort him. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. Jordan took Axel into our room and shut the door. I sat on the couch and tried to calm myself down (I was REALLY crying), and a few minutes later Jordan brought Axel back into the living room. Axel was calm and had stopped crying and as Jordan laid him in my arms he quietly said, "try it one more time". Right then I knew that Jordan had just given Axel a blessing. I knew everything would be okay, and sure enough Axel latched on, ate, burped, sighed (yes, he let out a very satisfied sigh when after he ate and burped.. we both laughed pretty hard), and fell into a deep sleep. While he was eating Jordan sat close to me and rubbed my back and told me I am a good mom and that everything will be okay. I love him so much!!! I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a sweet and loving husband!

These days we are just hanging out at home mostly. It is hard to leave the house with Ax because I never know when he will get fussy, so I try not to go too far unless he has a full tummy, or I have someone with me who can drive if I need to comfort him, etc..

Jordan has been pretty busy with school. He is working hard to get those perfect grades that med schools require. He works so hard in so many domains! I am so proud of all of his efforts and achievements! He is going to be such a great example to our children. We are getting excited and looking forward to our trip to San Francisco in November! We went there last year for Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time together. We decided that we should do it again this year while it's still within decent driving distance. We have some other neat things unfolding for us that I'm not going to mention just yet, but they are VERY exciting and if it all works out, will bring a lot of joy to our lives. NO, I am NOT pregnant again. (Oh my gosh, I do want more kids, but not yet..) These plans have to do with school and careers. One of them is something we've been working on pretty much since we started dating seriously and is finally becoming a reality, and the other is a relatively new idea, but we feel really good about it. Haha, confused? Good! I will share more details when things are a little more concrete, but I will say that it looks like it will be a very exciting new year!

I think I am finally finished with this post. I would like to mention that it has taken me almost 4 hours to complete it!

Look What I Found...

My birth story that I wrote back in 2010 and never published! Better late than never.. Here's what I wrote..

I've been wanting so badly write and update everyone on our sweet, perfect, wonderful baby Axel! But, as I'm sure you can all imagine, finding time to sit and write everything I would like to say has been a little difficult! Right now my little monkey is asleep in my lap, making funny faces and cute smiles while he dreams.

I don't even know where to start to catch everyone up! Axel arrived, as planned on August 31st via c-section. We were scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 10:30am and the surgery was scheduled for 1:00pm. However, at 11:15am they wheeled me into the OR! I couldn't believe we were about to get started! Was I ready? I guess I had to be! Everything went great. The only scary part was the spinal block, and I don't even know why I was afraid of it, but something inside me just started to get a little freaked. Feeling my body go so numb was pretty crazy! I kept telling the doctors and anesthesiologist "I don't think I'm totally numb yet!...I can still feel pins and needles.. Hey.. guys.. I don't think I'm numb.." Then Jordan quietly told me that the first cut had already been made. I guess I was numb! It was weird feeling all the tugs and pulls, but not feeling any pain. Jordan got to watch pretty close as they cut deeper and deeper. At one point I heard him say "Oh man.. dark hair!!" and I knew my baby was almost out! They had a hard time getting his huge head out of the incision space. I think it took about 3 minutes! I could feel the doctor heaving and pushing down below my rib cage with what felt like all of his might! Again, I didn't feel much, but it did make me grunt a little. Suddenly everyone got really excited and a few seconds later I heard my baby cry! It's funny that as I write this it makes me cry, but at the time I remember just breathing hard and making this weird half cry half laughing noise. They showed him to me for a few seconds and then took him to be cleaned off. I immediately ordered Jordan to "follow that baby!" and not let him out of his sight! I can't even describe how I was feeling at this time. There was so much going on! The biggest thing I remember though was feeling like a huge weight was removed from me! It felt like my stomach was being deflated, and it felt good! I got to sort of hold Axel while they were stitching me up, but at this point I was starting to feel sort of groggy. It was so nice when they put him on my chest so I could really get a good look at him! It was definitely love at first sight!


About a half hour later, once I had been wheeled back into the mommy/baby unit, Jordan brought Axel into the room and I was able to HOLD him. Finally, HOLD HIM, and nurse him for the first time. He ate like a champ!


The entire time I was pregnant, I had people telling me all their birthing horror stories, or saying things like, "you just wait til he's out.. you'll be wishing he was back in" (totally NOT true!), but the funny thing is.. no one warned me about how hard nursing can be! Axel had a strong suck immediately, and after the first few latches I was in major pain! By the time I got home from the hospital I was crying every time I would nurse. Not fun! We saw the hospital lactation specialist a few days after we came home from the hospital and she saved my life! For anyone who has troubles nursing, I highly recommend a nipple shield. It is my best friend.

Fast forward to three weeks later...

We are finally starting to get the hang of things

..and the date has been set...

The verdict is in. I will be having a c-section. I guess this makes me sort of grateful that I was too lazy to come up with a definitive birth plan, and spend hours practicing my hypno-birthing breathing methods. Even before I got pregnant, I never even considered that I would end up with a c-section. I've been healthy, kept a low blood pressure (eliminating the idea of pre-ecclampsia which could result in a c-section), no placenta previa.. everything has been normal. Like I said before, at almost every appointment I would ask, "are you SURE I'm measuring normal" and was always told I was spot on! When we found out I am actually carrying George of the Jungle and the topic of c-section came up, I started to research it and find out more about recovery etc.. There are so many different opinions concerning a c-section vs. vaginal birth and I started to worry if I was just being selfish? Although I am not totally granola, I was hoping to try to do a natural vaginal birth. My reasons being, I was made to do this, I'll give it my best shot. I also have nothing against getting an epidural, if it came down to that, but I really wanted to try to do it natural. After talking with Jordan about everything, we decided that if the doctors think a c-section is what is best for the baby and myself, that is what we'll do. But, we'll consider all of our options. As the week has progressed I've been able to relax and be comfortable with whatever happens.

This morning, Jordan and I had an appointment with one of my doctors to discuss our next step. Basically, to c-section or not. My doctor basically said, "look, you have a BIG baby. If you want to labor naturally, we will do everything we can to make you comfortable and get this baby out. That said, you could labor for hours and ultimately need a c-section. If you want my professional opinion, I would say the safest thing for you and your baby is to schedule a c-section". He also went on to say that if this were my 2nd, 3rd, or 4th baby things would be different, but with this being my first, it could get pretty rough trying to get him out vaginally. I told him that I am confident that they will make the best decision, but do feel a little selfish getting a scheduled c-section. He made me feel a lot better by saying, "First of all, you're having a baby. So, you're not being selfish. Second, we would never put you in a situation that would be harmful. It's our job to keep yours and the babys best interest in mind". So, a c-section has been booked for this Tuesday, August 31st. I wont know what time until Monday afternoon, but I feel really good about the plan. If Axel decides to come before Tuesday, we'll still have a c-section. I am just grateful to have good doctors available to help me make the best choice for this baby. Being a first time mom, I can do plenty of research, but I don't know anything first hand. The thought of a baby this big is sort of mind boggling, but I am so anxious to meet him, and hold him, dress him, cuddle him, watch him play with his daddy, and mother him. Unless something happens in the meantime, I'll be back next week with pictures of our Axel!

Axel Update!

I think I start almost every post off by saying something to the effect of, "It's taken me forever to sit down and write". Yet, again.. this is the case. I can't even remember where I left off last time, but summer details aside, I have some news on our not-so-little baby Axel.

This past Tuesday I had my 38 week appointment with Dr. Evans. The morning of the appointment I was complaining to my mom, "I'm gonna sit in the waiting room for an hour and they probably wont even check me and I'll just go home for another week". Yes I know, poor poor pitiful me. Needless to say, I was wrong. I arrived at my appointment and was very promptly seen by the doctor. He DID check me and I am now dilated to a 3, 75% effaced, but baby is still sitting high at a station -3. The doctor decided it would be wise to do a biophysical profile. Basically this is just an ultrasound done to measure different parts of the baby, amniotic fluid levels, blood flow, etc.. Axel got an 8/8 (which is great), however after months and months of asking "are you SURE he's not measuring large?", my suspicions (and my mothers, and my mother-in-law, my aunt..) were confirmed. At my 38 week appointment, my baby is measuring at 41.5 weeks!! That's 3 WEEKS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE! On top of that, his estimated weight was 9.4lbs, which I was told isn't 100% accurate, and could be off by about 13oz, which they also think would be 13oz higher rather than lower. So I am most likely carrying a 9-10lb baby!

I scheduled another appointment for the following Monday (Aug. 30th), left the clinic, and called/text all my closest friends/family to share the BIG news (pun intended). Around 5pm that night I received a call from Dr. Evans. I guess he was looking over papers from the day and noticed the size results on the baby. He said that if I haven't had the baby by my Monday appointment, they would like to induce me because of the size, HOWEVER.. considering the size, and the fact that Axel is still sitting so high, he is worried that my pelvis is just too small for Axel to fit through, and that a c-section is likely. SOOOOO.... basically unless Axel decides to come sooner, if he's not here by Monday morning he'll definitely be here by Monday night or Tuesday. To be honest, it was really hard for me to wrap my head around the thought of a c-section at first. Throughout this pregnancy I've planned on having a vaginal delivery, watching my son come into the world, holding him immediately, and being mobile shortly after delivery. The thought of being cut open, stuck behind a curtain, and having to wait to be stitched up before I can even hold my baby, then having a 6 week recovery, sounds awful. After having a few days to think about everything, I am now thinking I might be more comfortable with a c-section. Especially if I may be pushing for hours only to have an inevitable c-section ANYWAYS. So, I'm just trying to figure it all out right now and relax and just let whatever is best for baby and mommy happen! Either way, it's nice knowing that there is an end in sight and that soon, I will be meeting my perfect baby boy!

7 Weeks and Counting...

The longer I go without updating this thing, the harder it is for me to come back. Like pretty much everything else in my life right now, writing on my blog seems like suuuuuch a haaaassle. But here I am, relaxed in bed and finally willing to write.

Today I am 33 weeks pregnant! Like I've said before, this pregnancy has been pretty easy considering the hormonal torture some women seem to endure, so I've been trying really hard not to complain. Well, as of last week the complaining has begun. Honestly, I don't know what is with me lately but I feel as though I have lost my mind! I leave the water running, I forget to turn the car off, I leave lights on, I can't think of normal every day words without getting super frustrated at my lack of a brain. I'm moody, achy, exhausted, and ready to have this baby! I don't know what has come over me. I've become such an emotional roller coaster in the past week. One minute I am grinning from ear to ear and the next I have the biggest scowl on my face. I've started crying over On*Star commercials, thoughtful compliments from strangers, relief society lessons, you name it. To top it all off, I've reached that point where I cannot for the life of me find a comfortable sleeping position. I LOVE my Axel-Baby-Belly, I do! But, I get into bed at night and remain comfortable on my left side for maybe 5 minutes. It takes me another 5 noisy sheet-swishing minutes to turn to my right side. There, that's pretty cozy... 20 seconds later I have to pee. It takes me one big heave and a little grunt to pull myself off the bed, spin my legs around and step to the floor, only to trip over the fan cord and usually side swipe a wall. I am a mess! However, I know that it is all totally worth it in the end, and I couldn't get through any of this without my supportive babe of a husband who keeps me laughing (when I'm not pouting over something he said), and feeling loved each and every second (each and every second that I'm not letting my hormones over exaggerate some harmless statement he has made and turn it into a personal attack on me).
Jordan has worked his little tushie off this entire semester, aiming for straight A's in some not-so-easy classes. He needs to be at the library most of the time that he isn't in classes so that he can study, and it totally pays off. He's getting incredible grades! Now that the summer has finally arrived, we've been going on walks or bike rides every night, and that has really helped relieve a lot of my pregnancy stress, and I sleep so much better!

A few weeks ago, one of my old roommates offered to do a maternity photo shoot for me. If anyone in the Eastern Idaho region is looking for an amazing photographer who actually offers decent rates, look no further than Whitney Kathleen! (www.whitneykathleen.com) I wish I could post all of the photos she took of me, but I have over 200 favorites!







Thank you so much Whitney!

I wish I had more to talk about, but things are pretty much normal around here right now. I'm trying to work as much as I can with both of my jobs (Image Skincare and Northstar Aesthetics) before the baby comes. I'm hoping to continue on with both jobs after little A arrives and I take a break with him for a month or so. Luckily, with Image I can do a lot of it from home, but Northstar might be a little difficult. I'm not sure how many of my permanent make up clients would like a baby in the room while a vibrating needle sits on the edge of their eyeball. We'll see how it goes though.

Next week we are going to California for the wedding of Jordans cousin. I'm so excited for this trip, but really weary of the 16 hour road trip to get there. All three of my doctors have advised me not to go, but if I don't go.. Jordan wont go, and that puts too much guilt on me! Hopefully Ryan and Paige don't get too frustrated with the frequent stops we'll be making to pee and move my legs. We'll also keep our fingers crossed that little A doesn't decide that his place of birth should be sunny California either because to be honest, I really don't want to foot the bill for an out-of-state delivery and hospital stay! Those are our biggest concerns with this trip, but hopefully all will go well.. no blood clots, and no pre-term labors and we're good!

I know, it's been FOREVER...

It's taken me forever to write another post, and the only excuse I have is I've been too lazy. There, I said it.

As of today I am just shy of 28 weeks pregnant. The remainder of the 2nd trimester was great and I am already feeling the third trimester woes. At my last appointment, the doctor informed me that my glucose levels were great (yay! No Gestational Diabetes), but I am dealing with some major anemia. This means 2 iron pills a day on TOP of my prenatals, and a stool softener. Great.. just when I was getting regular again. I guess this baby is sucking up all my iron. That's okay.. he needs it :) The nausea is coming back and it actually feels worse this time around than it was in the first few weeks of pregnancy. Heart burn has it me at full force, and I am always tired. My back aches, and my ankles hurt (although no cankles yet so I'm happy). Had enough of my complaints? Okay, I'm done. I actually feel bad complaining when there are women who have gone through symptoms far worse than mine, or women who would give anything to be pregnant right now.

Even through the small trials of this pregnancy, I feel so empowered to be carrying this sweet little boy. The idea of actually growing a child inside my body is mind-blowing. Sure, we all think about being pregnant, many of us have been pregnant (some of us several times), but sometimes when I stop and think about the miracle that is taking place, I am completely stunned. What a blessing, and how exhilarating it is to have such an important role in this life.

Axel's kicks are getting so strong! Sometimes I wonder if he is a really big baby, or if I'm just getting big. I feel like I'm growing more and more each day, and his movements get more obvious every day. My favorite thing is to lay on my side in bed. He must be losing his balance or something because he will always wiggle around and try to find a position. (That's what it feels like at least). I can even SEE his little body moving inside me like waves. The other day I pushed my thumb gently into my skin and he kicked me! It was so weird, but put the biggest smile on my face. Some days it feels like he doesn't stop moving and on these days his kicks start to feel a little uncomfortable after awhile, but I try to embrace them as I know I will miss it when he's not inside me anymore.

I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have a husband who is so comforting and supportive through everything. He may not understand why I get so excited about baby clothes and setting up Axel's room, (we'll be getting a crib next week and Jordan thinks I'm crazy to want to set it up right away..I disagree hehe), but he is my best friend and this pregnancy brings us closer and closer every single day. He's finally able to feel Axel's kicks and movements now and the look on his face when he feels that little bump is something that melts my heart completely. He is so supportive and helpful when I am in pain, or feeling the hormone blues, and he loves my pregnant body which makes me feel so beautiful! Sorry if that sounds corny, but c'mon ladies.. we all know that we get hard on ourselves.. even when we know we're supposed to be getting bigger and the scale is supposed to be climbing, it can be a hard adjustment on some days.

Throughout the pregnancy I've been toying with the thought of a natural birth. Towards the beginning I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it. I've heard so many people talk about how they really wanted to, but ended up having an epidural, and having never gone through anything like labor before, I have no idea how I will react, but I really want to try to do it natural. I've been doing a lot of research on hypnobirthing and am purchasing a book with cd's tonight on amazon.com. Some friends of ours used it for their last child and said it is incredible. If you haven't heard of hypnobirthing before, do not be weirded out by the name. I'm sure you're picturing Jordan standing over me with a swinging clock haha, but it's nothing like that. It's all about relaxation and meditation techniques to help you manage your pain. One article I read today said that we condition our minds to prepare for certain events. Unfortunately we pregnant women get to hear a lot of horror stories about labor and delivery. Sometimes it seems like other women can only one-up each other as they talk about how painful their deliveries were. When this is all we hear, it creates fear in our minds and the thought of labor/delivery without the aid of an epidural impossible. Again, I'm not saying I am iron woman (well, obviously not if I'm anemic) and that no matter what.. I'm doing it natural, but.. I am really hoping I can prepare myself to do it that way.

Anyways, that's pretty much all the news I have for now. As this pregnancy comes to an end (only 12 weeks left!) I'm sure I'll be posting more often.

21 Weeks, Heartburn, and a Special Thank You..

Yesterday marked my 21st week of pregnacy! My little Axel is kicking up a storm and I am starting to see some patterns in his wake and sleep cycles. I've been feeling him move around for the past 2 weeks now. I felt a little fluttering before, but now I'm really feeling those kicks and jabs. He seems to be most active if I drink Orange Juice, and around 6:45pm and 11:30pm. This morning he even woke me up with his kicks! It's so special being able to FEEL him, and know that he's okay. I feel like all his little movements are his way of saying "hi Mom..". (I know that's not really what's going on, but I like to think of it that way..).

I have been soooo lucky in this pregnancy. I never got morning sickness (aside of a little nausea and bloating in the beginning) and my tummy is (thus far) growing straight out instead of sideways, so I don't feel like a whale (yet). I guess I can't have it TOO easy though because a few nights ago I was hit with some horrible heartburn and it still hasn't gone away. Tum-t-tum-tums aren't doing a THING. I really hope it goes away. There, I'm finished complaining for the day.


My last note is a special Thank You to my dear Sister-in-Law Shalyse. Shalyse is Jordans oldest sister, and has the most adorable little girl in the entire world! Ever since I can remember Shalyse has always been smiling and laughing and so kind hearted. Today I received a letter in the mail from her, for no special reason.. just a letter that said some of the sweetest things I have heard in a long time. It actually made me cry! So, Shalyse.. Thank you so much for thinking of me, and for your kind words. They mean so much, you really have no idea! Watch your mailbox in the coming weeks :) I love you!

Axel's Closet...Somebody Stop Me!

We're all naturally drawn to baby clothes right? I mean, they're just too cute! Now that Axel is officially Axel, I can't stop thinking about my darling Son! I also can't keep my mind or hands off his future wardrobe! I've found some adorable items (all on sale) and I have to show them off. So here is Axel's closet thus far..



These are my latest finds and I can't wait to put them on him! The jeans are super soft on the inside, and the sweater is really soft too.

Grandma Ripp got him this adorable outfit at the GAP the other day! Thanks Mom!