I Have a Six-Week-Old!

Look how big he is getting! I can't believe Axel is 6 weeks old! Time has gone by so fast, but at the same time it feels like his birth was ages ago! Right now I'm just sitting in bed with little A fast asleep on my chest, all cuddled up. I really should be getting him used to his crib, and bringing him in whenever he's asleep, but I love having him up close to me! Yes, it might be harder to get him into his crib later, but I wont get this cuddle time forever, so if that means putting off the crib routine for awhile.. so be it!

I just had my six week check up yesterday and everything went great (except I didn't know you get sodomized by the doctor! Geez, you really have to lose all shame when you have babies. Anyways, I am now officially in the clear to resume normal activities. I've pretty much already been back into the swing of things, but I haven't exercised yet other than walking and I am really anxious to get going with that. It's just a matter of finding the time! Jordan is in school most of the day and at the library most nights until pretty late, and Axel's feeding schedule is still pretty erratic, so it's hard to break away for too long. Hopefully though, I can get an hour in a few nights a week.

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So it's the next day. Axel woke up and that ended my quiet writing time. It's almost 11am on Wednesday and Axel is once again asleep on my lap. Jordan is at school right now, but today is his "short" day so I will probably get to see him a little more. Yay!



The weather is starting to get much cooler now and I love it! I absolutely love love love fall! If it could be fall year round I would be so happy! Although nothing beats a fall in Wisconsin (or Berlin!). I am really excited to go pick out pumpkins with Jordan and Axel! It better not come down to grabbing one from outside the grocery store! I want the whole pumpkin patch, jackets, caramel apple, apple cider experience! I'm still trying to figure out what to dress us all up as for halloween. Any ideas are welcome!

Here You Go Shalyse :)

My sweet sister-in-law Shalyse, has requested I post lots and lots of pictures! I have a bunch on facebook, but I have no problem posting more on here! I love showing off my guy! I hope this will do for now! It is quite a few! I tried not to make them redundant to the ones on facebook. Enjoy!

Coke & Butter + 1

Alright so, I had this big long draft I've been trying to work on here and there, but the longer it takes me to finish it, the more things I have to try to remember so I've decided to scratch that whole thing and just give a decent update on our little family of three! I wanted to go into detail on our birthing experience, but that will take too long, so if anyone has any questions on how the c-section went, shoot me an email or give me a call. Long story short, it was a breeze, we were pushed in and Axel was pushed out (yes, there is pushing involved in a c-section, only not by me.. by the OB!). We stayed in the hospital for 3 days, and I was definitely ready to leave and go home! Jordan was and is so amazing! He helps me, encourages me, and is so supportive in everything! The birth experience was very special.

Fast forward to today and Axel is 5 1/2 weeks old! I can't believe how fast the time has gone by, or how big he is getting. When most people see him they say "oh he is so little", but to us he seems like he is getting sooooo big!

It's fun to look at Axel and try to figure out who he looks like! My mom thinks he looks like me, Jordans mom thinks he looks like him, and I can honestly see similarities in both of us! Comparing baby pictures if fun because I think he looks just like both of us! But, he also has his own look.. Here are mine and Jordans baby pictures with a comparable photo of Axel..







So.. everyone will find different similarities, but at the end of the day I don't really care WHO he looks like because to us, he is perfect!

Being a mommy has dramatically changed my life already. I can already see all the lessons I am learning, and going to learn, and how this will help me grow as a person. The biggest lesson I am being taught right now is a whole new kind of PATIENCE! Axel is one fussy little boy and does a lot of crying. He really doesn't seem happy too often, which is hard for me because of course I want (and need) to feel like I am doing a great job and raising a healthy, happy baby. However, he could be a lot fussier, so I am grateful for the quiet times I get. They DO exist! The other biggest struggle has been breast feeding. No one warned me about how hard it can be! The first trial was the PAIN! I wont go too far into detail but I was very sore after the first day and didn't know if I would be able to continue nursing. It hurt soooo bad! However, the lactation consultant at the hospital saved my life with a nipple shield. I highly recommend it!

It's so funny how quickly your whole temperament can change. Usually when I am frustrated or stressed out I have a very short fuse, but with Axel it doesn't matter how I'M feeling, all I care about it soothing him, calming him, and making sure he's okay. When I fell in love with Jordan my priorities definitely shifted to making him as happy as can be, but still I have never felt such a strong sense of selflessness as I do with Axel. It's so hard to explain all the feelings and emotions I have now as a mother, but I'm sure those of you who are mothers can completely understand without me saying much. I am so grateful for my little family. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who is so caring and thoughtful and SWEET. He is such a great daddy and is so loving to the both of us. We had a pretty neat experience the other night that I wanted to share...

It was about 2am and Axel had been fussing for quite awhile. He was very obviously hungry, but wouldn't latch on! He would just cry and cry and cry and we couldn't figure out what the problem was. He'd been burped, had a clean diaper, a normal temperature, everything checked out! So WHY would he not latch on?! It was a very frustrating night and eventually Axel and I were both covered in milk and sobbing. Well, Jordan came to the rescue and took Axel from me and I could hear him saying (in a nice voice) "Axel, you made Mommy cry!" It was the first time since I'd been home from the hospital that I cried. Through every frustrating moment prior, I was able to calm myself mentally, count to 10, do whatever I needed to to stay strong and keep myself together. This time I just couldn't. I wasn't crying because I was mad, and it wasn't an emotional breakdown that had built up. I was crying because my sweet little boy was in such distress and I couldn't comfort him. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. Jordan took Axel into our room and shut the door. I sat on the couch and tried to calm myself down (I was REALLY crying), and a few minutes later Jordan brought Axel back into the living room. Axel was calm and had stopped crying and as Jordan laid him in my arms he quietly said, "try it one more time". Right then I knew that Jordan had just given Axel a blessing. I knew everything would be okay, and sure enough Axel latched on, ate, burped, sighed (yes, he let out a very satisfied sigh when after he ate and burped.. we both laughed pretty hard), and fell into a deep sleep. While he was eating Jordan sat close to me and rubbed my back and told me I am a good mom and that everything will be okay. I love him so much!!! I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a sweet and loving husband!

These days we are just hanging out at home mostly. It is hard to leave the house with Ax because I never know when he will get fussy, so I try not to go too far unless he has a full tummy, or I have someone with me who can drive if I need to comfort him, etc..

Jordan has been pretty busy with school. He is working hard to get those perfect grades that med schools require. He works so hard in so many domains! I am so proud of all of his efforts and achievements! He is going to be such a great example to our children. We are getting excited and looking forward to our trip to San Francisco in November! We went there last year for Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time together. We decided that we should do it again this year while it's still within decent driving distance. We have some other neat things unfolding for us that I'm not going to mention just yet, but they are VERY exciting and if it all works out, will bring a lot of joy to our lives. NO, I am NOT pregnant again. (Oh my gosh, I do want more kids, but not yet..) These plans have to do with school and careers. One of them is something we've been working on pretty much since we started dating seriously and is finally becoming a reality, and the other is a relatively new idea, but we feel really good about it. Haha, confused? Good! I will share more details when things are a little more concrete, but I will say that it looks like it will be a very exciting new year!

I think I am finally finished with this post. I would like to mention that it has taken me almost 4 hours to complete it!

Look What I Found...

My birth story that I wrote back in 2010 and never published! Better late than never.. Here's what I wrote..

I've been wanting so badly write and update everyone on our sweet, perfect, wonderful baby Axel! But, as I'm sure you can all imagine, finding time to sit and write everything I would like to say has been a little difficult! Right now my little monkey is asleep in my lap, making funny faces and cute smiles while he dreams.

I don't even know where to start to catch everyone up! Axel arrived, as planned on August 31st via c-section. We were scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 10:30am and the surgery was scheduled for 1:00pm. However, at 11:15am they wheeled me into the OR! I couldn't believe we were about to get started! Was I ready? I guess I had to be! Everything went great. The only scary part was the spinal block, and I don't even know why I was afraid of it, but something inside me just started to get a little freaked. Feeling my body go so numb was pretty crazy! I kept telling the doctors and anesthesiologist "I don't think I'm totally numb yet!...I can still feel pins and needles.. Hey.. guys.. I don't think I'm numb.." Then Jordan quietly told me that the first cut had already been made. I guess I was numb! It was weird feeling all the tugs and pulls, but not feeling any pain. Jordan got to watch pretty close as they cut deeper and deeper. At one point I heard him say "Oh man.. dark hair!!" and I knew my baby was almost out! They had a hard time getting his huge head out of the incision space. I think it took about 3 minutes! I could feel the doctor heaving and pushing down below my rib cage with what felt like all of his might! Again, I didn't feel much, but it did make me grunt a little. Suddenly everyone got really excited and a few seconds later I heard my baby cry! It's funny that as I write this it makes me cry, but at the time I remember just breathing hard and making this weird half cry half laughing noise. They showed him to me for a few seconds and then took him to be cleaned off. I immediately ordered Jordan to "follow that baby!" and not let him out of his sight! I can't even describe how I was feeling at this time. There was so much going on! The biggest thing I remember though was feeling like a huge weight was removed from me! It felt like my stomach was being deflated, and it felt good! I got to sort of hold Axel while they were stitching me up, but at this point I was starting to feel sort of groggy. It was so nice when they put him on my chest so I could really get a good look at him! It was definitely love at first sight!


About a half hour later, once I had been wheeled back into the mommy/baby unit, Jordan brought Axel into the room and I was able to HOLD him. Finally, HOLD HIM, and nurse him for the first time. He ate like a champ!


The entire time I was pregnant, I had people telling me all their birthing horror stories, or saying things like, "you just wait til he's out.. you'll be wishing he was back in" (totally NOT true!), but the funny thing is.. no one warned me about how hard nursing can be! Axel had a strong suck immediately, and after the first few latches I was in major pain! By the time I got home from the hospital I was crying every time I would nurse. Not fun! We saw the hospital lactation specialist a few days after we came home from the hospital and she saved my life! For anyone who has troubles nursing, I highly recommend a nipple shield. It is my best friend.

Fast forward to three weeks later...

We are finally starting to get the hang of things

..and the date has been set...

The verdict is in. I will be having a c-section. I guess this makes me sort of grateful that I was too lazy to come up with a definitive birth plan, and spend hours practicing my hypno-birthing breathing methods. Even before I got pregnant, I never even considered that I would end up with a c-section. I've been healthy, kept a low blood pressure (eliminating the idea of pre-ecclampsia which could result in a c-section), no placenta previa.. everything has been normal. Like I said before, at almost every appointment I would ask, "are you SURE I'm measuring normal" and was always told I was spot on! When we found out I am actually carrying George of the Jungle and the topic of c-section came up, I started to research it and find out more about recovery etc.. There are so many different opinions concerning a c-section vs. vaginal birth and I started to worry if I was just being selfish? Although I am not totally granola, I was hoping to try to do a natural vaginal birth. My reasons being, I was made to do this, I'll give it my best shot. I also have nothing against getting an epidural, if it came down to that, but I really wanted to try to do it natural. After talking with Jordan about everything, we decided that if the doctors think a c-section is what is best for the baby and myself, that is what we'll do. But, we'll consider all of our options. As the week has progressed I've been able to relax and be comfortable with whatever happens.

This morning, Jordan and I had an appointment with one of my doctors to discuss our next step. Basically, to c-section or not. My doctor basically said, "look, you have a BIG baby. If you want to labor naturally, we will do everything we can to make you comfortable and get this baby out. That said, you could labor for hours and ultimately need a c-section. If you want my professional opinion, I would say the safest thing for you and your baby is to schedule a c-section". He also went on to say that if this were my 2nd, 3rd, or 4th baby things would be different, but with this being my first, it could get pretty rough trying to get him out vaginally. I told him that I am confident that they will make the best decision, but do feel a little selfish getting a scheduled c-section. He made me feel a lot better by saying, "First of all, you're having a baby. So, you're not being selfish. Second, we would never put you in a situation that would be harmful. It's our job to keep yours and the babys best interest in mind". So, a c-section has been booked for this Tuesday, August 31st. I wont know what time until Monday afternoon, but I feel really good about the plan. If Axel decides to come before Tuesday, we'll still have a c-section. I am just grateful to have good doctors available to help me make the best choice for this baby. Being a first time mom, I can do plenty of research, but I don't know anything first hand. The thought of a baby this big is sort of mind boggling, but I am so anxious to meet him, and hold him, dress him, cuddle him, watch him play with his daddy, and mother him. Unless something happens in the meantime, I'll be back next week with pictures of our Axel!

Axel Update!

I think I start almost every post off by saying something to the effect of, "It's taken me forever to sit down and write". Yet, again.. this is the case. I can't even remember where I left off last time, but summer details aside, I have some news on our not-so-little baby Axel.

This past Tuesday I had my 38 week appointment with Dr. Evans. The morning of the appointment I was complaining to my mom, "I'm gonna sit in the waiting room for an hour and they probably wont even check me and I'll just go home for another week". Yes I know, poor poor pitiful me. Needless to say, I was wrong. I arrived at my appointment and was very promptly seen by the doctor. He DID check me and I am now dilated to a 3, 75% effaced, but baby is still sitting high at a station -3. The doctor decided it would be wise to do a biophysical profile. Basically this is just an ultrasound done to measure different parts of the baby, amniotic fluid levels, blood flow, etc.. Axel got an 8/8 (which is great), however after months and months of asking "are you SURE he's not measuring large?", my suspicions (and my mothers, and my mother-in-law, my aunt..) were confirmed. At my 38 week appointment, my baby is measuring at 41.5 weeks!! That's 3 WEEKS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE! On top of that, his estimated weight was 9.4lbs, which I was told isn't 100% accurate, and could be off by about 13oz, which they also think would be 13oz higher rather than lower. So I am most likely carrying a 9-10lb baby!

I scheduled another appointment for the following Monday (Aug. 30th), left the clinic, and called/text all my closest friends/family to share the BIG news (pun intended). Around 5pm that night I received a call from Dr. Evans. I guess he was looking over papers from the day and noticed the size results on the baby. He said that if I haven't had the baby by my Monday appointment, they would like to induce me because of the size, HOWEVER.. considering the size, and the fact that Axel is still sitting so high, he is worried that my pelvis is just too small for Axel to fit through, and that a c-section is likely. SOOOOO.... basically unless Axel decides to come sooner, if he's not here by Monday morning he'll definitely be here by Monday night or Tuesday. To be honest, it was really hard for me to wrap my head around the thought of a c-section at first. Throughout this pregnancy I've planned on having a vaginal delivery, watching my son come into the world, holding him immediately, and being mobile shortly after delivery. The thought of being cut open, stuck behind a curtain, and having to wait to be stitched up before I can even hold my baby, then having a 6 week recovery, sounds awful. After having a few days to think about everything, I am now thinking I might be more comfortable with a c-section. Especially if I may be pushing for hours only to have an inevitable c-section ANYWAYS. So, I'm just trying to figure it all out right now and relax and just let whatever is best for baby and mommy happen! Either way, it's nice knowing that there is an end in sight and that soon, I will be meeting my perfect baby boy!

7 Weeks and Counting...

The longer I go without updating this thing, the harder it is for me to come back. Like pretty much everything else in my life right now, writing on my blog seems like suuuuuch a haaaassle. But here I am, relaxed in bed and finally willing to write.

Today I am 33 weeks pregnant! Like I've said before, this pregnancy has been pretty easy considering the hormonal torture some women seem to endure, so I've been trying really hard not to complain. Well, as of last week the complaining has begun. Honestly, I don't know what is with me lately but I feel as though I have lost my mind! I leave the water running, I forget to turn the car off, I leave lights on, I can't think of normal every day words without getting super frustrated at my lack of a brain. I'm moody, achy, exhausted, and ready to have this baby! I don't know what has come over me. I've become such an emotional roller coaster in the past week. One minute I am grinning from ear to ear and the next I have the biggest scowl on my face. I've started crying over On*Star commercials, thoughtful compliments from strangers, relief society lessons, you name it. To top it all off, I've reached that point where I cannot for the life of me find a comfortable sleeping position. I LOVE my Axel-Baby-Belly, I do! But, I get into bed at night and remain comfortable on my left side for maybe 5 minutes. It takes me another 5 noisy sheet-swishing minutes to turn to my right side. There, that's pretty cozy... 20 seconds later I have to pee. It takes me one big heave and a little grunt to pull myself off the bed, spin my legs around and step to the floor, only to trip over the fan cord and usually side swipe a wall. I am a mess! However, I know that it is all totally worth it in the end, and I couldn't get through any of this without my supportive babe of a husband who keeps me laughing (when I'm not pouting over something he said), and feeling loved each and every second (each and every second that I'm not letting my hormones over exaggerate some harmless statement he has made and turn it into a personal attack on me).
Jordan has worked his little tushie off this entire semester, aiming for straight A's in some not-so-easy classes. He needs to be at the library most of the time that he isn't in classes so that he can study, and it totally pays off. He's getting incredible grades! Now that the summer has finally arrived, we've been going on walks or bike rides every night, and that has really helped relieve a lot of my pregnancy stress, and I sleep so much better!

A few weeks ago, one of my old roommates offered to do a maternity photo shoot for me. If anyone in the Eastern Idaho region is looking for an amazing photographer who actually offers decent rates, look no further than Whitney Kathleen! (www.whitneykathleen.com) I wish I could post all of the photos she took of me, but I have over 200 favorites!







Thank you so much Whitney!

I wish I had more to talk about, but things are pretty much normal around here right now. I'm trying to work as much as I can with both of my jobs (Image Skincare and Northstar Aesthetics) before the baby comes. I'm hoping to continue on with both jobs after little A arrives and I take a break with him for a month or so. Luckily, with Image I can do a lot of it from home, but Northstar might be a little difficult. I'm not sure how many of my permanent make up clients would like a baby in the room while a vibrating needle sits on the edge of their eyeball. We'll see how it goes though.

Next week we are going to California for the wedding of Jordans cousin. I'm so excited for this trip, but really weary of the 16 hour road trip to get there. All three of my doctors have advised me not to go, but if I don't go.. Jordan wont go, and that puts too much guilt on me! Hopefully Ryan and Paige don't get too frustrated with the frequent stops we'll be making to pee and move my legs. We'll also keep our fingers crossed that little A doesn't decide that his place of birth should be sunny California either because to be honest, I really don't want to foot the bill for an out-of-state delivery and hospital stay! Those are our biggest concerns with this trip, but hopefully all will go well.. no blood clots, and no pre-term labors and we're good!